Family Matters Part 7 | Marriage - 3 | Colin D Cruz

This message was preached by Colin D Cruz at Word of Grace Church  Pune, on the 20th October 2013. 

This is part 8 of a series called Family Matters. and is part 3 on Marriage.  What  is marriage? Why should we marry? What is the blue print for a good marriage?

Read and listen to this life changing message.

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The last message in this series on Marriage we saw  how God created the entire universe and also created MAN, gave him MISSION. He then provided him a MRS, initiated MARRIAGE.

 A MARRIAGE is one of the primary building blocks of society. It’s so significant that Jesus says that it is a picture of himself and the church.  He calls it a MYSTERY. Marriage was God’s idea and today we are going to look at the creator’s instructions for MARRIAGE.

Marriage is not just a good thing it is a God thing. In our first message on Marriage, we saw how God was the one who initiated marriage by providing Adam the first man a suitable partner fit for him. When God placed Eve the first woman before Eve, Adam was all ecstatic and poetry flowed from his lips when he saw the companion God had given him.

So God created MAN, placed him in a beautiful garden, and gave him a MISSION to take care of creation have a relationship with God and to equip him to do that he gave him a MISSUS – that resulted in the first MARRIAGE .

In our second session we saw that the CREATOR gave certain instructions to this newly married couple on how to live harmoniously as Husband and Wife.

God commands a man to LEAVE his parents and be JOINED to his wife in

God's blueprint for a successful marriage: Leave your parents, be joined to your wife to become one flesh and be intimately connected in every dimension of life.

This is the divine recipe for success in marriage. The ingredients and the method, both are important, just like in a recipe.

We looked at the importance of LEAVING our parents. When you tie the knot, you cut the cord. Just as a newborn baby is detached from the mother and is a unique person, so also a newlywed couple needs to detach from both sets of parents and forge a new unique identity.

So many problems are caused when the couple or the parents do not realize this and follow this.

Q. What does it mean to leave?

At one stage we were all in our mother’s womb. At that stage we were one with our mother. Then comes a time when the baby is born and the umbilical cord now needs to be cut. The umbilical cord is tied and the cord is then cut.

“Tie the knot and cut the cord”. At marriage we tie the knot and we have to cut the cord. For many years we were connected to our parents but now you are a new unit. The relationship dynamics will now change though we still love each other.

·        Physically: not necessarily living in the same house under the same roof. How do we do this? In case of old infirm parents we do look after them but we must establish who is in charge. Often the husband sides with his mother.  Mothers can play the emotional card and emotionally blackmail the son. This causes a lot of conflict. When a husband stands up for his wife 9 when it is needed), it gives great security to the wife and forges unity. Sometimes the in-laws try to dominate on other issues as well.

·        Financially: when you get married, you should be able to provide for your wife.  It is the responsibility of the man to provide for his family. Your wife may or may not work- she only supplements the income you bring in. Men must study hard, work hard and get a good job to be a good provider. In India often we see a reversal of roles where the wife slogs it out while the husband drinks and gambles all the money. Don’t depend on your in laws either.

      Dowry is a big curse in our country just like child marriage and Sati was. Sadly many Christians also give and take dowry. Can I challenge you to stop this evil practice? Young men, can I challenge you not to ask for dowry at the time of your marriage. You can stop it and change the culture.

     Another curse is the Big fat Indian wedding. Lakhs of rupees are spend on this one evening that often leaves the wife’s family in a huge debt. Let’s change the culture. We need to be thermostats in our nation where we set the tone in our culture and not be thermometers that merely reflect the cultural trends. Let’s be Biblical in all we do.

·       Emotionally: Whenever there is a problem, we are not running back to dad and mum. In all this we honor our parents but we are separate. Remember your first priority is not your mother or sister, but your WIFE. You need to learn to share with your spouse and lean on each other and not anybody else. Your best friend now is your spouse, not another man or woman and certainly not someone of the opposite sex. This doesn’t mean that you can never talk with them again. What it does mean is that your allegiance needs to change. Your loyalty now belongs to your spouse -- your partner should never have to compete with your parents – or anyone else for that matter.

You have to leave your college buddies, your girlfriends, and everything that can come between you and your new best friend.

Don’t do anything that will put a wedge between you and your wife.

·       Spiritually: Now the husband must lead the home spiritually. So men, build yourselves up in the faith. Even how you bring up your children is the responsibility of the parents and not the grandparents. Men must be able to lead their wives spiritually. Often wives are more spiritually inclined. Husband you need to shepherd your family. You need to pastor your family first.

    Remember you are not a really man by what you consume but by what you contribute. It’s not whether you can hold your drink but whether you can hold your job.

Women – look for a man who can lead you and feed you.

Men – look for a woman who will respect you and follow you.

Today we will look at the aspect of being united together to form one flesh. What does that mean?

Be United

24 So a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and the two will become one body.
Genesis 2

The word “united” literally means to be glued together -- “to melt 2 separate entities together to form a permanent bond.” The word you may hear in some weddings is “cleave”. It has the idea of being bonded or welded together. The union is so strong that it takes something extremely violent to dissolve it.
There are four bonds that are to be nurtured between a man and a woman.

What is joined together?

(1)         A man and a woman- today this needs to be over stated.

(2)         A believing man and a woman 2 Cor 6:14, 1 Cor 7:39 A relational prohibitions
 The Message Paraphrase says it this way: “Don’t become partners with those who reject God.”

Different in values, aspirations, compass pointing true north and the others is pointing south.

Affects every area of life – relationships with inlaws, bringing up children, handling money, what to do on Sundays, etc.

Deuteronomy 22:10 in mind when he wrote these words: “Do not plow with an ox and a donkey yoked together.” 

People have disregarded this command to their own peril and destruction. Their spiritual growth has gone down the drain and they are rendered in effective for the kingdom. Often they are not allowed to fellowship with believers and it’s a very sad situation. They are forced to compromise on what faith the children are brought up in.

(3)         What happens if you have married and unbeliever or you were unbelievers and you have now come to faith
1 Cor 7:12,13 – do not separate. Pray like mad. If you are not yet married please do not consider this as an option.

  

What does this unity look like?

Unity implies permanency. to try and separate it will involve damage to both . do not have a back door mentality. Measure twice cut once. This unit is a covenant.

Who does the joining? Matt 19:4-6. “What God has joined…” So it’s an amazing thing when a man and woman say “I do”. God is present and supernaturally joined them together.

How does this work out?

1 Priority – this relationship takes priority over every other relationship. Your spouse becomes your best friend. Its above your own children and parents as well.

2.Joint Ownership -  not my money and her money, it’s our money. This creates oneness and security. You need to foster that kind of trust. 

3.Its joint decisions, in marriage. Decisions making should shared. The husband is the head but he does not take unilateral decisions. Often the wife will have greater wisdom on the subject don’t let your ego get in the way.

This needs to be communicated to the children as well so they don’t play one against the other. This is true of the in laws as well. Do not let your mother ask you to keep secrets from your spouse. Protect your wife from wild accusations that may be thrown at her.

      When we take care of aged parents, we need to treat both the in-laws equally not just the husbands’ parents.

    Imagine if India began to put this into practice. Can you imagine men all over taking their rightful place in the family, what a difference it will make to the entire society and to the nation?

    Let’s be thermostats and not thermometers and change things in our won families, our culture, community and nation. Amen! 

       Word of Grace is an Evangelical (Born Again),  Spirit filled (Charismatic), Reformed, English speaking church in Pune that upholds the Bible as God's inspired Word for life. We are a church community that have people from every part of India and parts of the world. We are here to put the Great Command and the Great Commission into practice by equipping and releasing every member into works of service. To know more about us please log ontowww.wordofgracechurch.org.

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