I can be Single, Complete and Content
This message was preached by David Fernandes at Word of Grace Church on October 21th, 2018. To listen/download the audio please click here. To listen to the Sunday's worship and prophetic contributions please click here.
We all have certain belief systems and struggle with them. Life can turn bitter with worldly influence in many aspects of our lives. Marriage is no exception. People talk negatively about marriage unless they meet with God.
I did not believe in Marriage because I did not know God at that time. When I was around 32 years, I discovered there is no peace in my life. I had a great career and just when I was about to rise up in my career, I discovered that I had no peace.
I met someone at a service and asked that person to pray for me. To my surprise, the man started praying for my common sense. In addition, I prayed to God asking him to give me peace. All of a sudden, I started crying and knew it was God. Then I asked the person how I could find peace. He said that I would not find peace unless I deal with my sin. I tried different things like meditation etc. However, nothing gave me peace.
On 8th Aug 1992, I attended a meeting. All of a sudden, I started clapping, raising my hands and found myself surrendering to God. I cried desperately for peace. The speaker asked questions to the congregation – Do you believe in God? Do you believe he died for your sins? Are you willing to accept Jesus? I said yes to all the questions in my heart, went home and slept. I woke up the next morning as a changed man!
That morning, I went for a walk, experienced God in nature. My life got changed completely. I went to work and told everyone about what happened. My worldly view changed into Godly view. I became a messenger of God to preach the Gospel.
Gen 2:18 – The Lord said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
This is a simple verse, yet, changed the world.
Gen 2:22-25 – Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman’, for she was taken out of man.”
That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.
Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
The world challenges on this. We don’t get trained in marriage for a year, for 6 months, for 3 months and not even for one month. Yet a huge chunk of our lives in marriage.
1 Cor 7:8-9 – Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
Sadly, many Christians misunderstand singlehood and make it as a qualification for service. Singlehood is a grace given to a few.
GOD’S VIEW OF MARRIAGE:
1. We are blessed to be a blessing
a. Vision
b. Purpose
Gen 1:27-28 – God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it…”
There is nothing like a marriage that has vision and purpose in it.
Does your marriage have a vision?
Once a pastor asked the bride and groom, why they wanted to get married? The answer from both of them was that both of them gave each other space !!! There is a place to give space but that cannot be the vision of marriage. The purpose of marriage is becoming one and breaking the space between each other.
Therefore, if vision is important then the choice is very important. Both need to be of the same vision and belief system.
The bible says, “Do not be unequally yoked”.
I have never seen it worked. Both the spouses should have a common faith, common goal and common vision. This is referred to as “Yoked to each other and to God”
What do you go for when choosing your partner? Money? Looks? These things are not wrong in themselves but cannot be the only thing.
1. Vision for marriage
How do you want to serve God? This is not about becoming leaders in the church. It is about having Christ in the center and living according to the Word of God. Where is your marriage going? You can ‘t live a married life with a bachelor mindset.
Lynn and I met a couple. The husband is supposedly a Christian and the wife is a strong believer. All of a sudden, he started coming home late every day. But one day, the wife saw some pictures and found out that her husband had been attending salsa classes. When she confronted him about this, he agreed to it and said that salsa is more important to him than the marriage. That stood as a strong reason for her to divorce her husband.
Today the courts can’t cope with the number of divorces filed.
If you’re married, fight for your marriage. If you are yet to be married, wait for it and stay in control.
2. God-given attraction and partnership
Gen 2:18 – The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
Attraction to the opposite is God’s purpose. The timing is the issue. Gen2:22 She was taken out of man …” This is the start of the story I want to talk about. This is being challenged today and we need to fight to keep it.
Singles – an attraction for the opposite sex is God’s design. But there is a time for it. Good parenting helps children to pace the attraction.
The purpose of dating should be marriage and it should start at the right time. This may sound old-fashioned. A fling dishonors both parties.
Dating period should be kept pure. Some people have doubts if they could smooch each other during the dating period. Will it help you keep your relationship pure? The answer is …?
Become one
This is a process of loving.
a. Emotional understanding and oneness
1 Pet 3:7 – Husbands, in the same way, be considerate as you live with your wives and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
This is the answer to why get married – to become one in God
If you have different goals, how do you become one? If your prayers are not being answered, ask yourself how you are treating your wife!
So what is the goal of your marriage? It should be so that we can become ONE in God.
We need defined goals in our marriage and parenting.
How?
Emotional understanding.
Lynn and I are of two different personalities. We should all know the temperaments and love languages (Word of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, physical touch)
In the early days of our marriage, Lynn used to do many things for me where as I was longing for physical touch. Both of us were in a confusion about what each other likes to do or receive. But later we worked at it and got to know each other love languages and the oneness developed. It is a journey toward oneness.
b. One mind
Seeking to understand one another. Good and effective communication, conflict management, forgive one another. You learn to resolve conflict and learn to become one mind. Without forgiveness, a marriage cannot last.
c. Physiological union
Heb 13:4 – Marriage should be honored by al, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.
Sex is not just physical but physiological. It has to be of body mind and spirit. Men are like microwaves and women like an oven. You have to work at it learn to love each other. It must be a willing union even in marriage or it is rape.
Women need a lot of affection before going for lovemaking.
Things that stop you from having a good healthy sex life are – Pornography- it is an illusion and a sin that destroys your mind. Get help, talk to someone. Adultery, Masturbation and Prostitution
3. Union for life
Mark 10:9 – Therefore, what God has joined, let no one separate.
When you look at the Bible, you see there is nothing new. There has always been a desire to break a marriage.
Matt 19:8 – Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.
If you are divorced rest in the grace of God. God wants to bless you now.
Matt 5:32 – But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
Are you divorced? I do not know your circumstances. If you are remarried sort out the past. Else, things can turn upside down in the current marriage and lead to troubles.
Why does God hate divorce?
Mal 2:15 – Has not the one God made you? You belong to him in body and spirit. And what does the one God seek? Godly offspring. So, be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful to the wife of your youth.
The tragedy is the law is tampering with God’s order. What will happen to society? It will take a whole generation to see the consequences of our decisions.
The world is tampering God’s word, God’s order. However, we, as Christians, must exemplify God’s word.
I can be single complete and content or married fruitful and happy. The choice is ours.
